Marriage Question

How many times does the Bible teach that a woman should love her husband? Where does it say this? Anything significant about this?

Marriage is...Part 2 follow up

Be reminded: Marriage is God's thing. When we are not what we are supposed to be and when we do not build our marriage on the principles established in God's Word, it is unlikely that it will last; and even if two people continue together, they will never know the incredible joy and happiness of becoming the one flesh God designed. The Scripture is clear that "God IS llove" (1 John 4:8; 1 John 4:16). No matter what we believer, it is not possible to llove without knowing God and living according to His principles. It is not possible to have a Designer Marriage without following the directions of the Designer. It is incredibly difficult to sustain a marriage relationship that lacks the most basic ingredient: llove.

Marriage is....Part 2

The last post talked about sin-altered roles but before we can understand it's effect we first must understand sin. Whenever sin is a part of our experience, whether it is part of our individual or collective relationship, we are going to fall short of discovering and knowing the fullness of God's design for life. Sin blinds us to His will and purpose. Sin inhibits right thinking and action. Sin damages and ultimately destroys our ability to live as designed. Marriages that embrace sin, knowingly or ignorantly, can never move fully and adequately toward the design of man and woman joined together becoming one flesh.

Define the following:
1) Adultery
2) Extra-marital relationships (not necessarily overtly sexual in nature)
3) Homosexuality/Bi-sexuality/Transvestitism
4) Androgyny
5) Visual promiscuity (pornography)
6) Modern feminism/male chauvinism
7) Other sins that may cause marital destruction

Read 1 John 4: 8 & 16 and then reflect on the following:
1) Can two atheists/agnostics have a perfect marriage?
2) Can you be out of God's will for your life and have a perfect marriage?
3) What is marriage?
4) What is God's design for marriage?
5) Do you see your spouse as part of God's design for your marriage and does your spouse see you that way?
6) As a couple, do you share equally in the relationship?
7) Is there sin in your marriage that is preventing the actualization of God's design for your life?

Marriage is.....first, answers

God blessed both Adam and Eve and intended that they both rule with Eve as Adam's helper. Neither were inferior to each other as Adam recognized that Eve was a part of him. Their relationship was one of oneness - pure and perfect as the Designer planned in their respective roles. That is, to do and be that for which they were created. Sin damaged the relationship as God changed their duties and roles as punishment. If I (and you) are open to the fact that my (your) marriage can be perfect it necessarily follows that I/you have to contend with these sin-altered duties and roles. Read Genesis 3:16-19. How does this altered relationship manifest itself in the activities of today's world? Your response is key to our next session!

Marriage is.....

not about finding the "right man" or "right woman". It's about being the right man/woman in the relationship. Marriage is designed to be perfect. Everything God creates works perfectly. When marriage is lived out under the guidelines established by the Father, nothing can go wrong. However, the opposite is also true. Divorce is an expected result when we fail to abide by the rules. To assume that marriage is flawed by anything other than our unwillingness to operate it according to His plan is to assign to the Creator a less than perfect creation. That is blasphemy. Accordingly, we must return to the Scripture, God's guidebook and operations manual for Designer Marriage. Read the account of the Creation of man and woman in Genesis 1:27-28; Genesis 2:18-23; Genesis 2:7 and answer and/or comment on the following questions:

1) Whom did God bless?
2) Whom did God intend to rule?
3) Whom did God assign the inferior role?
4) What did Adam recognize about his companion?
5) What would define their original relationship?
6) What is meant by the term "respective roles"?
7) Describe what you believe damaged the relationship between Adam and Eve?
8) Are you open to the fact that your marriage can be perfect and that you are, already, "right" for each other?

She talks a lot, he listens a little

that's the title of an article in today's WSJ. While admitting that some men are talkers and some women are not the assertion is that most men are not talkers and most women are. I agree, based on my experience and observation. What troubles me is the list of tips given: set aside a time to talk; if you're the talker slow down; ask questions; let the talker talk; really listen; ask for a break; use technology (texting) as a supplement, not a substitute; call someone else. For a guy these all fall under the heading of "we need to talk" or "we need to set aside a time to talk". Dreaded words. Painful words. To borrow a great line from the movie Steel Magnolia's "I'd rather eat dirt!" The problem with all of these is they are wordly ideas. The world only understands the soulish "self" meaning I get what I want/need. To accomodate another person and their point of view and needs requires me to set aside what I want. That may work for a time but will not last, will be painful and produce lasting resentment. Not good for a healthy relationship. These usually deteriorate into a quid pro quo whereby I will agree to a talk in return for a _______ (fill in the blank - golf outing, sex etc). That's a business relationship not a marriage. The solution only comes from the Designer of Marriage. He says a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Gen 2:24. This new creation is a spiritual entity in which the self or soul is subject to the workings of the spirit being filled daily by His Spirit. Eph 5:18. When marriage partners are of one spirit they have the same desires, goals, agendas - to llove and serve the Father. When this happens there's not much else to talk about!

Marriage as the Designer planned?

some time ago I heard that the divorce rate in our country was highest among evangelical Christians than any other group - including unbelievers. I don't know if that's true or not but I doubt anyone will argue with the fact that divorce is as large a problem among church folk as anyone. Dr. Weaver in his seminar "Designer Marriage" has stated "God has no design for marriage failure. His plan for taking two totally separate individuals and creating out of their bond one complete individual is a marvel of His work and power. Attempting to perform the same action without His miracle - working perfection, leads only to discouragement, despair and dissolution (usually in that order)." Question(s) - do you believe this to be true? Why? If so, why do so many of His folk fail at it? (beyond the obvious answer of disobedience). Among all the challenges every marriage faces, what is the one area that could, if left unaddressed, blow up and doom your marriage?

Types of Parenting

In their book Parenting with Love and Logic, Dr. Cline and Mr. Fay say there are typically two types of parents - helicopters and drill sergeants. Helicopter parents think love means rotating their lives around their children. They hover over and rescue their children whenever trouble arises. They're forever running lunches, permission slips and homework assignments to school; pulling their kids out of jams and shielding them from teachers, playmates and other elements that appear hostile. Drill sergeant parents think love means being disciplined and acting right. If they bark and control the kids will turn out right. In other words, the kids are constantly told what to do. Is there a problem with either of these types? Which is better? Is there an alternative?

Manthropology

Shared responsibilities was discussed in my last post. How interesting that today I came across  reviews of 2 new books called Manthropology (Peter McAllister) and Is There Anything Good About Men (Roy F. Baumeister) by Peter Shiflett. Mr. McAllister says that today's men need to man up as in his view contemporary males are faint shadows of their shaggy forebears. Wimpy would be a good word to describe McAllister's view of today's men. Mr. Baumeister is less concerned about the wimpification of modern man than about the degree to which men have been historically exploited. The very cultures that men have built, he says, have considered males more expendable than women. The last paragraph of Mr. Shiflett's review says "If ancient erectus were told that his "sons" had driven to a Nascar event at 70 mph in cars outfitted with satellite radios; that they lived in climate-controlled houses equipped with refrigerators full of parasite-free steaks from Argentina and beer from Holland; that they and their womenfolk took showers and were familiar with shampoo, he might shout: 'My sons, you have found the Kingdom of Heaven!' And, comparatively speaking, he'd be right." Now I don't know anything about Mr. Shiflett but I found his reference to the Kingdom of Heaven pretty interesting. His inference is one of absolute bliss. Jesus, however, had much to say about the Kingdom of Heaven. He referenced it in several parables in Matthew 13. In each case He says the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand and consists of both the wheat and the tares, the good and the bad, the believers and non-believers. Ultimately, the wheat and tares, the good and bad, the believers and non believers will be sorted out and appointed their appropriate judgement. In the meantime, guys whose lives are consumed with racing, steaks and imported beer (and similar) seem to be in the majority and in fact do view it as heaven. So, is there anything good about men? To the extent they are redeemed and pursuing a lifelong ambition to be like Christ, yes. Otherwise, Mr. Baumeister probably has nailed too many guys. So ladies.....which guy do you prefer?

Sacrificial Llove

One of the comments on a recent marriage post summed up the situation - Husbands, llove your wives as Christ lloved the church. We know, of course, that Christ died as the ultimate example of sacrificial llove. While thinking about that I wonder (from a guy's perspective) just what we're willing to sacrifice. It's not an uncommon male phenomenon to do or want to do something heroic. But much of our lives is spent with things that are not typically included in the category of heroic. I heard a preacher a number of years ago say something like "guys may be willing to lay down their lives for their wives but they won't pick up their own socks." A common complaint I hear from ladies about their husbands comes in the area of shared responsibilities. All too often I then hear about how they come to an agreement that is quid pro quo. If you'll do this for me then I'll do that for you. That is not a marriage. It's a business arrangement. If the mundane areas of life seem to be sucking some of the energy out of your relationship perhaps it's because the expectations are wrong. Have you made this a focus of discussion with each other........and the Father?

Marriage thoughts Step 2

For a good discussion on marriage take a look at the comments posted under yesterday's post - Marriage Agreements and Disagreements. My response to the post left me with additional thoughts which is not unusual. My thoughts here are more in line with preferences as opposed to convictions but it could be both. I introduced the idea of headship and although a biblical principle I know many men who abuse this and thus, females tend to recoil when it's mentioned. Eph 5: 22-33. Please also refer to I Peter 3:1-7. There's good guidance here especially for those who might respond with "well, what if my husband's wrong?" If he's truly a believer and seeking God's will then the best way for him to discover whatever he is in error about is letting God bring him to that realization. A wife insisting on her way or worse - nagging him to agree, will result in most males digging in their heels. Oh, and one more thing - should you try his way and it doesn't work out well.......resist at ALL costs the "I told you so". BTW - that's good advice whether it's a marriage relationship, friendship, employer/employee etc. Absolutely everyone I know hates to hear "I told you so" so what makes us think it's ok to say it to someone else? Seek His way and you'll be blessed for it; regardless of the circumstances.

Marriage Agreements and Disagreements

I was reminded earlier today of a marriage challenge while I was reviewing my Bible Study material in Hebrews Chapter 3. The epistle writer is making the case of Jesus' superiority over all people and over all created things. In this chapter he is demonstrating Jesus' superiority over Moses, knowing that his readers were early Jewish Christians and held Moses in high esteem. Some years ago I assumed a portfolio of 3 properties in Phoenix and travelled there to become familiar with the properties and staffs. I took one of the property managers to lunch and discovered in the course of conversation that she was from Mexico and a Roman Catholic. She was married to a Jewish man and they had two children. When I asked what they taught their children she said "we teach them that Jesus was a great man and Moses was a great man and we should follow their teachings." My sense was that she didn't believe what that statement implied. I'm quite confident she was willing to set aside her beliefs to accommodate the marriage. It's probably safe to say that all marriage partners have different views on certain matters. The question then becomes what areas of differences can a marriage withstand? When there are differences what approach should be used to try to resolve? Let me know your thoughts as well as any questions about an issue you may be having. You can use a pseudonym to become a follower and comment anonymously.

Train up a child.....

In my last post I asked the question about the application of Proverbs 22:6 and ultimately asked "can scripture be trusted". The short answer is yes. The longer answer comes with a better understanding of the scripture itself and Wisdom Literature of which it is part. Wisdom Literature contains principles and practices that enhance wisdom. While we can see from our experience and in scripture (Isaac - Esau; Noah - Ham) that there is no correlation guaranteed between godly parents and godly children. Even the best training cannot instill wisdom - only encourage the choice to seek it. A similar example is diligence. It is essential for prosperity but does not guarantee it as a result of the effort. After parental instruction Wisdom speaks concerning the fate of those who will nevertheless choose to walk in the way of the fool. This is a result of another Biblical principle - that of individual will, choice and responsibility for those choices. See Proverbs 1:30-32 and 9:12.

So, what does this passage (22:6) actually tell us? The literal Hebrew is more along the lines of "train up a child in the way he should go" or "train up a child in keeping with his way". Further, "train up" (Hebrew: chanak) is elsewhere translated "dedicate". That is, a child is to be dedicated to a certain calling and then trained specifically for that purpose. Too often parents have their idea of what the child should be and this can distort both the dedication and the training process. The following quotation is from an unknown source but sums it up well:

Both child and parents together should diligently seek to discern God's leading, dedicate him or her to the Lord and His will, recognize the special talents and circumstances that God provides for this purpose, and then seek to encourage and prepare the child to fill that calling. Then, God's promise is that the entire life will be productive in the optimum career of God's choosing.

Applying the Bible to Life - Beginning a New Adventure

I could say "a new venture" and be accurate but somewhat incomplete. Adventure really captures what I'm feeling as I "venture" into the new (for me) world of blogging. This has come about as a result of popular request for biblical guidance in the areas of marriage and parenting. While this is the primary focus I'm sure we'll venture into other areas as well. The source of all guidance for all of life is the Bible. Additional resources will be used. Specifically in the marriage area will be the DVD/Book "Fireproof" and "Designer Marriage" by Dr. Bill Weaver. In the parenting area we'll start with "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The format will be Q&A that will hopefully lead to discussion. When the discussion thread runs out we'll move on to the next question. Feel free along the way to comment on this format. We may from time to time have guest "experts" to bring expanded expertise to the discussion. I pray this new adventure allows all of us to grow in grace toward perfect people, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

Let's get started with parenting. Proverbs 22:6 says "train children in the right way and when old, they will not stray." I have some friends who sincerely believe they raised their children in the right way ie: took them to church, had home Bible study etc., yet some of these kids either turned from the faith or at best are ambivalent. What do you think went "wrong"? Can scripture be trusted?

Let me hear from you! The App Guy (TAG)