Marriage is.....

not about finding the "right man" or "right woman". It's about being the right man/woman in the relationship. Marriage is designed to be perfect. Everything God creates works perfectly. When marriage is lived out under the guidelines established by the Father, nothing can go wrong. However, the opposite is also true. Divorce is an expected result when we fail to abide by the rules. To assume that marriage is flawed by anything other than our unwillingness to operate it according to His plan is to assign to the Creator a less than perfect creation. That is blasphemy. Accordingly, we must return to the Scripture, God's guidebook and operations manual for Designer Marriage. Read the account of the Creation of man and woman in Genesis 1:27-28; Genesis 2:18-23; Genesis 2:7 and answer and/or comment on the following questions:

1) Whom did God bless?
2) Whom did God intend to rule?
3) Whom did God assign the inferior role?
4) What did Adam recognize about his companion?
5) What would define their original relationship?
6) What is meant by the term "respective roles"?
7) Describe what you believe damaged the relationship between Adam and Eve?
8) Are you open to the fact that your marriage can be perfect and that you are, already, "right" for each other?

She talks a lot, he listens a little

that's the title of an article in today's WSJ. While admitting that some men are talkers and some women are not the assertion is that most men are not talkers and most women are. I agree, based on my experience and observation. What troubles me is the list of tips given: set aside a time to talk; if you're the talker slow down; ask questions; let the talker talk; really listen; ask for a break; use technology (texting) as a supplement, not a substitute; call someone else. For a guy these all fall under the heading of "we need to talk" or "we need to set aside a time to talk". Dreaded words. Painful words. To borrow a great line from the movie Steel Magnolia's "I'd rather eat dirt!" The problem with all of these is they are wordly ideas. The world only understands the soulish "self" meaning I get what I want/need. To accomodate another person and their point of view and needs requires me to set aside what I want. That may work for a time but will not last, will be painful and produce lasting resentment. Not good for a healthy relationship. These usually deteriorate into a quid pro quo whereby I will agree to a talk in return for a _______ (fill in the blank - golf outing, sex etc). That's a business relationship not a marriage. The solution only comes from the Designer of Marriage. He says a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Gen 2:24. This new creation is a spiritual entity in which the self or soul is subject to the workings of the spirit being filled daily by His Spirit. Eph 5:18. When marriage partners are of one spirit they have the same desires, goals, agendas - to llove and serve the Father. When this happens there's not much else to talk about!

Marriage as the Designer planned?

some time ago I heard that the divorce rate in our country was highest among evangelical Christians than any other group - including unbelievers. I don't know if that's true or not but I doubt anyone will argue with the fact that divorce is as large a problem among church folk as anyone. Dr. Weaver in his seminar "Designer Marriage" has stated "God has no design for marriage failure. His plan for taking two totally separate individuals and creating out of their bond one complete individual is a marvel of His work and power. Attempting to perform the same action without His miracle - working perfection, leads only to discouragement, despair and dissolution (usually in that order)." Question(s) - do you believe this to be true? Why? If so, why do so many of His folk fail at it? (beyond the obvious answer of disobedience). Among all the challenges every marriage faces, what is the one area that could, if left unaddressed, blow up and doom your marriage?

Types of Parenting

In their book Parenting with Love and Logic, Dr. Cline and Mr. Fay say there are typically two types of parents - helicopters and drill sergeants. Helicopter parents think love means rotating their lives around their children. They hover over and rescue their children whenever trouble arises. They're forever running lunches, permission slips and homework assignments to school; pulling their kids out of jams and shielding them from teachers, playmates and other elements that appear hostile. Drill sergeant parents think love means being disciplined and acting right. If they bark and control the kids will turn out right. In other words, the kids are constantly told what to do. Is there a problem with either of these types? Which is better? Is there an alternative?