Parenting Tactic - Free will

Cline and Fay note that God gave all humans - His supreme creation - considerable freedom....including the opportunity to goof up. Failure and success are two sides of the same coin. If there had been no forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden, humanity would have had no opportunity to make responsible or irresponsible choices. When Adam and Eve made the wrong choice, God allowed them to suffer the consequences. Although He did not approve of their disobedience, He loved them enough to let them make a decision and to live with the results. God's love in the garden sets the example for all parents to follow: He allowed Adam and Eve the freedom to make the choice. In a similar way, if we give children freedom and loving acceptance, they will make choices and do things of which we will not approve. Jim Fay says he used to insist that his son Charlie dress for the weather on chilly mornings. Charlie, he'd say, it's cold out this morning. You'd better wear your heavy coat. Sure enough, he'd grab his little slicker - the lightest coat he owned - and waltz out the door. Unwittingly, Fay was taking away Charlie's best choice. Fay thought he was ensuring Charlie would be warm waiting for the bus but Charlie chose to be cold instead. He was exerting his free will. But Fay wised up by saying instead; Charlie, it's twenty degrees out. You might want  to wear a coat. This offered him a range of choices from worst to best. Kids always seem to discount the first option we give them. Charlie ultimately decided to exert his free will with a warm coat. The paradox is that parents who try to ensure their kids successes often raise unsuccessful kids. But the loving and concerned parents who allow for failure wind up with kids who tend to choose success. These are the parents who take thoughtful risks. Thoughts? Agree? Disagree? If you agree what are some small, thoughtful risks you can take this week in allowing your kids to exercise their free will and train them in making good choices?

Back to Parenting

We've been off the topic for a time while focusing on marriage. In the last parenting post we discussed being a helicopter parent vs a drill sergeant parent and asked which was the best or is their an alternative.  Cline/Fay have an interesting insight they call "Love and Logic Tip #1". It talks about our gut instinct that invariably has been influenced by how we were parented. Were your parents helicopters or drill sergeants? Let's see what they have to say:

The techniques of parenting with love and logic may rub some parents the wrong way. Allowing kids to fail with love, letting the SLO's (significant learning opportunities) do the teaching, treating themselves right as a way of modeling healthy adult behavior - these principles can go against the parental grain. Most of us raise our children based on our gut reactions. But how do we know whether such responses are trustworthy or just the result of bad lasagna? Actually, adult "gut reactions" are the result of childhood responses to family emotions and interactions. Therefore, "gut feel" is more valid if we had a happy childhood and presently have peaceful and rewarding relationships at home and elsewhere. Sure we all will "nerd out" more often with children if our own childhood and/or present home life are in turmoil, but generally our actions with our kids will be fine. If, on the other hand, we react to our childhood by saying, "I sure want to do things differently with my kid than my mom and dad did with me," then our gut reactions will probably be untrustworthy and faulty. Those instinctive reactions come from our parents - and we hated the way they parented us! ....... thoughts?

Characteristics of Godly Husbands

Head/ruler of the family (Gen 3:16; Eph 5:23); blameless (1 Tim 3:2); spiritually mature (James 1:4); reputable (Phil 2:15); hospitable (Rom 12:13; 1 Pet 1:9); well organized (1 Cor 14:40); benevolent (1 Cor 7:3); self-disciplined/temperate (Gal 5:22); sexually pure (1 Tim 3:2; Luke 16:18); sexually vulnerable (1 Cor 7:4-5); not a drinker, fighter, quarreler (1 Tim 3:3); forgiver (Mark 11: 25-26); disciplinarian (Prov 22:6; Eph 6:4). A husband's job is to imitate Christ. Christ's llove for the church is unreserved, not founded on reciprocal behavior, initiated by choice, continued in promises and effort, irrevocable and unfailing. Therefore, a husband's llove for his wife must imitate Christ's llove for the church. Failure of llove is not possible. It is inoperative when one or the other fails to practice the disciplines of llove. One of the most dynamic, exciting, and energizing commands in Scripture is predicated on the reality that we can operate as Christ operates. As one comes to understand either the right relationship with one's wife or Christ's right relationship with His Church, the other relationship becomes clear. So, husbands, are you confident you are fulfilling your responsibility as a child of God? Would your wife describe your relationship with Christ as adequate or lacking? Are you willing to operate your marriage relationship in llove?

Husbands and Wives - Reflections

Proverbs 31 teaches the following characteristics of a Godly wife: excellent (embodying the attributes assigned by God), trustworthy, good, industrious, resourceful, strong, role player, home and community activist, honorable, wise, kind, watchful, busy, beloved mother, faithful wife, holy and, of course, submissive. The importance of submission cannot be overstated. First, it's a command of God. We are never, regardless of circumstances, free to ignore, disobey or abandon commands which are proclaimed clearly in God's Word. When God tells us to do something, just do it! Second, out of obedience will ultimately come a change in circumstances which indicates disobedience in the first place. One's obedience to the commands of God allows God to work through us and bring discipline into the life of another person. God works through the headship of the man. A wife's Godly submission to her husband is a natural by-product of His Christ-like llove for her.

Read Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:23. What are the characteristics of a Godly husband? Husbands, conclude the following statements in narrative form:
1) God has called me to "llove my wife as Christ lloved the Church", which means.......
2) Correctly practicing the discipline of llove toward my wife elicits from her.......
3) The principle marital operation of the husband in the marriage is to........

Husbands and Wives

The answer to the last question posed is once. Only one time does the Bible teach women to llove their husbands. In Titus 2:4 Paul teaches that older women should teach younger women to llove their husbands.  Husbands, however, are commanded to llove their wives. As a disciple of Christ a husband has no choice but to obey this and all commandments. Jesus said, "if you llove me you'll keep my commandments". If a wife won't submit to her husband it's because the husband doesn't llove his wife as Christ lloved the church.

This leads us to the third part of our study. Read Ephesians 5: 15-33. Designer Marriage not only requires us to fill certain roles in our marital relationship but also demands that we fulfill our responsibility as children of God. The impact personal responsibility and absolute obedience to God has on the marriage relationship cannot be minimized. Mutual submission to one another in the Body of Christ is not only a mandatory requirement for those who are part of the Church but also mandatory in the marriage relationship. Every believer is to be a holy, humble, submissive believer. The foundation of all relationships is that no believer has an unequal status before God. When we are adequately submissive to God we discover the foundation for submissiveness to others. This text also teaches that a wife should submit to her husband and respect him. Look at Proverbs 31: 10-31 and see how many characteristics of Godly wives you can count. What are they and what do they mean in the context of your marriage? There are two reasons why submissiveness is vital in the role of a wife. They are.......?