Cline/Fay say winnable war is waged through choices, not demands. Choices change the entire complexion of the control struggle. They allow us to give away the control we don't need and gain the control we do. With choices kids have no demands to react against, and the control we need is established. Choices work because they create situations in which children are forced to think. When they have to think, they can't fight. Second, choices provide opportunities for children to make mistakes and learn from the consequences. Third, choices work because they help us avoid getting into control battles. Finally, choices provide our children with opportunities to hear that we trust their thinking abilities, thus building their self confidence and the relationship between us and them.
Dealing with choices and being held responsible for their own decisions, prepare youngsters for the lifetime of decision making that awaits them in adulthood. Effective parents, however, should offer choices only when they are willing to ensure that their children will be forced to live with the consequences.
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