Sexual Compatibility

God's design for the marriage relationship expects that it will begin with a total lack of experience with sexuality beyond academic acumen. Since that is seldom the case, it is necessary not only to learn an effective sexual relationship but also to unlearn any prior sexual experience. The action, often referred to as carrying "sexual baggage" into the relationship, is always damaging.

Building an excellent, effective sexual relationship requires communication. It would be wise to repeat your study of the second item under Communication discussed in a previous post. Speaking clearly and accurately is the primary means by which one can determine what a spouse thinks, wants and needs.

Although extreme sensitivity to responses and actions is fundamental and useful, it is, at best, subjective, and therefore to some degree, uncertain. Sex involves the whole person. Physical attractiveness, emotional maturity and mental stability are crucial to great sex.

Sexual function is personal and private. The actions and activities that you, as a couple, choose or avoid are yours alone and are neither subject to the scrutiny of nor suitability for any other individual(s). What is acceptable to both and is not forbidden in Scripture is certainly within the scope of the relationship.

Sex is good! Sex is pure! Sex is holy! The originator of sex is God. It is therefore perfect and holy. Only the actions of those outside of God's design have created the perceptions that sex is "dirty" or "unholy" or "tawdry".

Answer the following in narrative form:
1) Is your "sex life" all you want it to be? Why/Why not?
2) Do you have sexual baggage you have brought into the marriage?
3) How often do you participate in "sex"? How often do you "talk" about sex with each other?
4) How much of your "sexual encounter" takes place in the kitchen?
5) Do you have "dirty" sex?

A key thought: Good sex may or may not be vital to a marriage (some couples have no sex at all; however, bad sex is always destructive. Whatever you think you know, learn more.

Reflections:
1) Are you a "lights off" or "lights on" person when sex is in progress?
2) What is your spouse's favorite "turn on"?
3) What is your spouse's worst "turn off"?
4) If you could "make love" with anybody, who would you choose?