According to Cline/Fay - to build children's self-concept parents must send messages that tell the children they have the skills people their age need to be successful. Each child must feel they can compete. Mom and Dad can't make it for them. These skills are learned through modeling. Parents must realize that children are always watching them and taking cues on how to act and react.
Timmy sees his dad sweeping the garage. He grabs a little broom and starts moving dirt around, imitating his father. Inside, Timmy is thinking, "I feel big. I am learning how to use a broom. I hope Dad notices." Dad notices all right. He notices all the missed spots. "Timmy," he says, his voice dripping with disapproval, "look at the mess you're making! Please go play and let me finish this." Done once in awhile, Timmy's self concept will likely turn out ok. But habitual discouragement will lead to a poor self concept. He'll stop trying to imitate responsible "adult" behavior.
Parents who routinely focus on the end result rather than on the learning taking place wind up with kids who have a negative self-concept about their skills. Then, parents wonder why kids don't help out around the house. The process of getting to the end result comes from practice, encouragement and modeling. Starting at a young age, parents can teach a great combination of: getting the job done, fun and me. Never pass judgment on the work of children when they are trying to learn. Try saying things like: "I can see that you are working hard to learn to do long division. Let me know if you would like some help." "I see that you are learning to make the bed just like Mommy. Would you like me to show you how I (not you) get the wrinkles out?" Whenever possible we slip a little fun in the task. As children grow, parents should remove themselves from the triad leaving the job and fun.
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