When to step in & when to step out

Cline/Fay say there are two occasions when we should make our children's problems our problems: 1) we step in when our children are in definite danger of losing life or limb, or of making a decision that could affect them for a lifetime; and 2) we step in when the children know that we know that they know that they cannot cope with their problem, and the consequences are very significant......for as soon as a parent steps in, the child gets the "you can't cope" message. Sometimes, though, we don't care if the child gets that message because everyone already knows it. Remember: Everything we fix for our kids, our kids will be unable to fix for themselves. If Anna has trouble on the school bus and we haul on down to the stop one morning to talk to the driver and the other kids, Anna is robbed of any chance of handling that problem by herself, and will believe that she can't. If there's more than a ten percent chance that our child might be able to work it out, we should keep clear of the problem.